Wednesday, August 30, 2017

Saturday, March 19, 2016

?

I desperately wanted to talk with someone right now. :(

Why can they just try to understand.
I've done so much to fulfil what they want.

For this time, why can they just at least let me make my own decision?
Can someone please come, and make all of these pain bearable?

Tuesday, March 8, 2016

There is no right or wrong.

Bismillahhirahmannirahim.

Wow. Dah masuk bulan March. How time flies. Dah nak setahun bekerja. Dan haritu dah start buat choice untuk penempatan for FRP.

Entah.

Dulu mula-mula dulu memang aku nak choose Sabah. But as the time goes by, aku dah start rule out Sabah from the list. Alasannya, kalau aku pergi Sabah, susah nak catch up dengan kawan2. Susah nak attend wedding kawan2. Well, the time has come. Musim kawan-kawan kahwin. So, okay it stops there.

But then, when the application form reached. I can still be calm. Tapi bila dah nak kena hantar borang tu. Allah. Allah saja yang tahu dilema nak buat keputusan tu.That one night, aku memang serabut sangat. Sebabnya hati aku tiba-tiba rasa nak pilih Sabah. Yeah,semua orang akan rasa benda ini simple. Benda ni je pun. But as a person like me. It is a huge decision.

Kenapa Sabah?

The reason is simple yet I guess no one can understand that.

1) Memang teringin nak ada pengalaman time muda-muda ni nak duduk Sabah. Dulu pun time prp, ingat nak pilih Sabah. But heyy, my mom wins.
2) Nak keluar dari comfort zone. Finding myself.
3) Aku selalu rasa diri ni undeserving to be in this position. Rasa macam ramainya lagi orang yang layak. Sebab Sabah ni ramai pharmacists yang lebih berkelayakan ni jarang yang nak, so someone like me should be there kan? The plus point is, aku memang nak ada pengalaman. I'm not getting any younger anyway.
4) Nak bawak diri. Nak lari dari perasaan itu. I hope I can make peace with that feeling. Unnecessary feeling.
5) Reason last...because I'm Jannah. Impulsive. Suka benda yang tak ramai orang minat.
Susah ni nak cari orang yang sama passion ni. Or at least someone, yang FAHAM, even though passion lain2. HAHA. Dream on!

Haaaa "simple" kan reason dia, Lol.

Insya Allah, I have done my part, for rest I will leave everything to ALLAH. After all, Allah always have a better plan with me. Be it Sabah, be it anywhere in this world. I know I can survive, as long as I keep my faith to Allah.

Bye,







Monday, February 8, 2016

Hi 2016.

Bismillah~

First post dalam 2016, dan sekarang tengah busy ya amat nak siapkan log book, report untuk prp ni. Well, tu masalahnya I'm very last minute person. Nanti emo tak pasal2, please someone help me. Ni sekarang ni memang tengah busy gila, this week kena hantar logbook, ada assessment tapi hati aku rasa nak menulis. Banyak benda nak cerita.

1) Aku dah ada telescope sendiri.

Alhamdulillah, it had always been a dream. 23 January 2016 is finally the day.
Orion Star Blast EQ 4.5. 5 tahun dulu masa aku at the critical phase nak choose path, antara minat dengan realiti hidup, arwah Mak Ude pernah cakap, ambil la pharmacy ni, dengar cakap mak abah, nanti ada duit boleh beli telescope sendiri. Sedih sebab dia dah tak ada untuk tengok aku. Dia jugak la yang banyak tolong aku sampai aku ada kat tempat sekarang ni. Al fatihah.

say hi to my Mr T.
Mission accomplished.


Gila jugak kisah aku angkut telescope guna tangan. ya Allah, bila fikir2 balik mesti orang rasa pelik kot dengan aku. Adoyy.

2) Penang Trip. Amy's engagement.

Kalau tak gila bukan kawan-kawan la namanya. Aida plan nak buat roadtrip Penang. Aku ingat aku dengan dia la, sekali......here we go. Semua pun ada. Surprise by surprise aku dapat, sampai la hari Amy bertunang tu. Haha. Tak tahu la aku ni lampi ke atau kawan kawan aku expert buat surprise.
 Congrats Amy, I pray the best for you Amy deep from my heart. Semoga Allah limpahkan rahmat kat kita semua. I miss everyone of you too. And with these people lah, we manage to set up the telescope. Will be part of my precious memory too.




Thanks Aida, Amer, Aween, Sha'ai, Amy and Hannah. Thanks Hannah kasi tumpang tidur. :)

3) PRP almost come to an end.

Tak nak tinggal tapi tak boleh nak stay. Huhu. Mixed feeling. Sebab semua orang kat sini baik baik. Tapi aku tak boleh stay kat sini selama-lamanya. Aku nak mengembara lagi. Banyak benda aku nak belajar dan buat. And there is one feeling that I need to let go of. And to do so, I need to leave. May Allah ease every thing, especially for this little fragile heart of mine. Amin.

Till then!
Assalamuaalikum~

Saturday, September 5, 2015

Pharmacy vs Astronomy. Reality vs Dream

بِسْمِ اللَّهِ الرَّحْمَنِ الرَّحِيم

I don't know why lately that long lost dream haunted me back. Is that because 'it' doesn't want me to forget? Oh Allah my only hope, if it is the best for me, please give me some courage and strength to do this. For at least to continue this passion even if I'm all alone. I love both. This reality and my dream. I  really love everything about Your stars, universe and galaxies.  I love astronomy, but I guess love is not enough. I need to read, read and read to upgrade my knowledge. May Allah bless everything that I do. Amin.










Sunday, August 2, 2015

The lost souls.

Bismillah...

Terusik dengan kedewasaan dunia. Hilang.
Entah lahh. The lost souls.
I am part of them.
Pernah tak terdetik kat hati kita, nampak org tak pakai tudung, dye rambut kita rasa "Islam ke ni?" "Tah pape nak tayang2 aurat tu, buat dosa je."
Aku pernah merasa macam tu, time2 masih lagi life ni carefree. Masih lagi dalam zone selesa. Pandang dan judge!

Tapi tidaklah selamanya begitu. Bila aku dah start tamat zaman sekolah, bila dah start jadi 'dewasa' aku mula termasuk dalam golongan the lost souls ni...mencari-cari.

Janganlah dikatakan yang tak bertudung tu je yang lost. Aku dari kecik mak aku dah ajar pakai tudung, pun terkadang masih terasa kosong jiwanya. Barangkali jauh dari Tuhan, barangkali masalah dalaman keluarga. Entah.

Sendirian. Banyak membuahkan persoalan aku terhadap kehidupan. Teringat Neefola punya sharing before dia decide untuk berhijab. Dia kata, perasaan nak berubah tu datang, pergi, datang, pergi. Allah!! aku menangis dengar sebabnya aku rasakan yang sama. Perasaan nak berubah. It's not about tudung. Tudung bukan indicator utk seseorang untuk berubah. Jiwa is the answer.

Aku takut aku tak sempat nak berubah sebelum mati. Sebelum masuk ke dunia hakiki tu. Aku terlalu banyak melagha dengan duniawi tapi aku still tak boleh deattach from it. Takut hati dah hitam. na'uzubillah. Allah sentiasa ada, Dan aku harap Allah boleh hantar kan siapa-siapa yang boleh menjadi sumber semangat untuk ke arah itu. Arah yang mendekatkan aku dengan Tuhan

Dan sesungguhhya tiada Tuhan yang layak disembah melainkan ALLAH.

 

Sunday, July 12, 2015

Dear Gen.

Assalam'mualikum...
Tiba-tiba hari ni tergerak hati nak baca blog. I'm living in the future right now. Reading the older posts, it feel like I'm reading the old letters from my ownself. So many struggles in the past. Yet I'm still surviving. Alhamdulillah. Time surely flies. Some dreams come and go, but some dreams still lingering in my heart and soul.

Dear Gen...you are now living in the future, fulfilling the dreams of the people that you love but please don't abandon your dreams, your desire and hope. Don't give up, don't let our spirit down. Fight for it. Even if others look down on you. Just let them be....Please Gen be happy. I want you to feel that happiness! Whatever it takes, I want you to be happy.. InsyaAllah..