...and all I want to say.

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ

I was okay before, but I know I'm going to cry as I write along this post...
Yesterday I had a dream. About Wadiah.
After accident she was on a stretcher, Unconscious.
Came one specialist there, and while their try to help her...
She's awake.....but in pain. But still she's awake.
I told her to keep on being strong, while awaiting mak and other family members.

Then I woke up in the middle of the night around 2 am and sobbing...alone.
One think that came across my mind.
Jahatnya mimpi ni..
But because of it, I managed to do solat tahajjud, solat taubat dan solat hajat.
At least in this Ramadhan I managed to do it because of the dream.

Help me ya Allah to go through to this journey.
Help me to be strong as you always did before.
Please let me be home Batu Pahat with Emak and my siblings for good this year.
And please take my life and my family only with husnul khatimah.
Amin allahuma amin.

16 May 2020
23 Ramadhan 1441H
11.20PM
Tamam Serene Tawau.

no title

Time.

Sometimes, it's too long to wait. 

And sometimes it's too fast to pause.

In between I'm torned apart

Moving on.

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ

Alhamdulillah.

Ramadhan Kareem!

May the 4th be with you. Haha.

So ni adalah post pertama untuk tahun 2020. 

Alhamdulillah masih lagi Allah bagi kesempatan untuk hidup dan bernafas.

Jadi tahun 2020 ni adalah tahun terakhir aku in 20's. 

I'm 29 years old already.

Banyak benda berlaku untuk tahun ni walaupun baru je masuk bulan Mei.

Januari - I turned 29, Abah passed away 2 years ago

Februari - Ke Surabaya with Yaya.

Mac - Wadiah passed away a year ago, Birthday Emak, Covid-19 serang Malaysia, me and a few colleagues kena deployed ke Covid-19 Fever Centre

April - Puasa, habis shift fever centre

Mei - MC days till nasal swab result out. *ma first MC ever haha.

Itu adalah sum up cerita tahun ini up till date.

There you go my life.

Well, actually today I wanted to share about moving on.

Hoping if anybody whose in my situation and happen to read this, not feel alone in this journey of moving on.

I found a quote from a movie or drama. (I really can not recall it, arghhh)

" Moving on is not a betrayal to the memories."

Simple sentence but it gave me a deep impression.

Masa mula2 hilang our close family member, Abah then Wadiah.

I was very afraid to move on, to be happy without them anymore (can refer to previous post about grieving). Macam rasa selfish.

We are looking forward to see them in another life. It's just that we dont know when is our time.

Mungkinkan 2 minggu lagi? 1 tahun? 5 tahun? 20 tahun? 50 tahun lagi? We don't know.

Untuk keluarga kita yang masih tinggal ni, siapa lah yang akan jadi orang terakhir untuk saksikan permergian ahli keluarga.

So many questions with no answers.

But then you have to move on. Allah dah tetapkan perjalanan kisah mereka sampai situ, kita pun kena teruskan juga hidup (it is very hard at first, trust me, we might even fall into depression). Sebab akhirnya sama. Kita pun akan pergi ke tempat yang mereka pergi, cumanya mereka pergi lebih awal dari kita. 

Pick yourself up.Find any distractions. Dont expect people to understand. (I get very sensitive about this, especially when we wanted to talk, people just said "Nak buat macam manakan, dah Allah tentukan") They are not wrong pun. But I think better I keep my feeling to myself. Move on. 

May Allah give us His Blessing to us and our family. May Allah allows us to meet with our love ones in His Paradise. InshaAllah.

Cheers!

Taman Serene, Tawau Sabah

4th May 2020 ( 11 Ramadhan 1441H)

9.28 pm