I'm not happy..for now. :

I'm not sure if this feeling is valid or not.

But my heart is not happy right now.

People said ...bersyukurlah.

I definitely know that.

But I can't say that to this heart of mine.

I can't fake it with my heart.

I know this feeling.

And I'm currently not happy.

Enough said.

All I can do is to lie down and sleep.

Just repeating my daily routine.

I don't think I can talk to anyone.

Most people can't give comfort.

So, I guess I will just going to sleep.

Shut my mind down.

Enough said.

Bye.

Entering 30s age crisis.😏

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ

Harini mood biasa-biasa ja.

Actually nak buat this post last two days.

Thoughts came on that time.

Tapi harini baru nak tulis.

I've been deactivating my facebook account for awhile.

I told myself, if I still can't finish that one book I'm reading now,

I will not activate my fb account.

Rasa punca tak habis baca buku tu sebab distracted dengan fb.

But still tak jugak habis baca. Haha.

Cari distraction lain pulak, layan youtube and netflix.

I conclude that, it's my problem from within.

Or the mobile phone itself.? Hmm.

I wonder how people with those few social media account can handle

the toxic it can cause to ourselves. Our mental health actually.

Actually nak cerita.

Haritu terbukak fb and ada post from my friend came.

About her celebrating her 30's with her small family,

her husband and her daughter.

Happy picture, happy moment.

What a happy life she had I thought at the moment.

I can't help but compare her life with mine.

Tapi...

Mungkin Allah nak ketuk sikit hati ini sekali.

The next post came a post from my friend,

same age like me, with 3 kids sharing about how she missed her husband

that just passed way early Ramadan last month.

Bittersweet.

Nope.

It's not that I want to compare both story,

I just want to reflect upon for my own self.

Our journey are different.

So do our timeline.

Is this a signal that I'm about to entering 30's age crisis? 😂

I deactivating back my fb account after that.

(Praying for detachment from all social media)

Because for that brief period of time,

and for that brief feeling that I felt (upon seeing the first post)

I felt so toxic for myself to feel that way.

Scary huh?

Please protect me from myself ya Allah.

Ease my heart, ease my mind.

Reclaim Your Heart.
Beautiful book.
And this is the book that I have to finish
Fighting gen!💪

28th May 2021

15 Syawal 1442H

9.04 pm

Peserai, Batu Pahat, Johor.

Trapped. My actual feeling and what I supposed to feel.

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ

At first nak letak title "Don't want to die, don't want to live neither?" 

Tapi rasa macam over sangat.😅

I have a lot of thoughts that I carried in my mind. 

I felt totally burden by it. 

I'm pouring it out here, hoping it can be lessen. 

Trapped? 😕

Maybe due to covid that I can't go nowhere. 

To find my escapism. 

Or because I'm back to my hometown, no friends to share my feeling. 

(Alhamdulillah ada Yai and AA kat BP, walau jarang jumpa) 

Well, to be honest since I back to BP I have lead a monotonous life here. 

No sparks, no postive vibes or spirits, no joyment. 

Stagnant some might say. 

I somehow totally lost the track of my journey to have a life with no regrets. 

My mind is so messed up. 😣

I don't have anything to look forward to. 

I lost my highly-spirited person I once was. 

Alright, that's the bad of me. Bad thoughts. 

My real current feelings. 

I'm struggling with my own feelings. 😔🐣

Because on the other side. 

I know,  I always know there are plenty of things that I shoud be grateful for.

Be that our world it this covid situation. 

So many people lost their job and income, far from family. 

See what I got, I'm living with my mom, I got job, monthly salary, home, car and a lot more. 

I'm grateful for what I have but sadly it can't make me happy. 

Does it mean I'm not grateful enough or maybe that what people around my age felt? 

Sometimes I blame myself, maybe I'm not a good servant to Allah, that's why my life it like this. (praying late, not reciting Quran everyday) 

I don't know, 

I trapped with my own feelings. 

When I look back at my previous blog post, my 20's me

I think I didn't make any progress.

Still a lost girl from the past. 

Trapped and never freed yet. 

After Abah and Wadiah gone. 

I now seem to forever live with my anxiety. 

Trapped with anxiety. 💬

Does it mean I'm about to seek professional help to maybe ease my mind? 

I don't know. 

I found no where out right now. 

Wallahualam. 

21 May 2021 

8 Syawal 1442H 

8.14 pm 

Peserai, Batu Pahat Johor.

Dear 2021. I'm back to write.

Bismillah.

Well, I'm back again.

Because I have no one to pour out my feelings.

Actually there were numerous times that I planned to write here.

But I end up ignore my own feeling and find any distractions.

A lot of things had happened.

I'm back to my hometown here at Batu Pahat.

Ended my wonderful journey in Tawau Sabah.

Well, thats it.

I hope I can talk more about in my future post.

But today I wanted to talk about my mom and her feelings.

It had been love-and-hate relationship with emak since I got home.

Don't want to defend myself because definitely I made mistakes to.

Most of the time.  

I dont know what I can do to make her happy.

She's seems to be on her own bubbles.

And today she posted something on whatsapp group

:(

I was in the room when she shared this.

After I read it, I came to her. 

To talk about it.

I feel responsible to at least hear what she wanted to say.

Because right now, I am the only child here with her.

We only each other.

But when I saw her eyes started getting teary.

I slowly walked away, didn't offered any words of comfort to her.

I don't know.

I can't do it. I felt awkward.

No good with words. Be it an action.

So, mak I just hope that you know that I care about your feeling.

I hope you know it.

With my simplest gesture of coming to you and asked about it.

Sorry.

23 March 2021

10 Syaaban 1442H

9.29 pm

Peserai, Batu Pahat Johor.

...and all I want to say.

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ

I was okay before, but I know I'm going to cry as I write along this post...
Yesterday I had a dream. About Wadiah.
After accident she was on a stretcher, Unconscious.
Came one specialist there, and while their try to help her...
She's awake.....but in pain. But still she's awake.
I told her to keep on being strong, while awaiting mak and other family members.

Then I woke up in the middle of the night around 2 am and sobbing...alone.
One think that came across my mind.
Jahatnya mimpi ni..
But because of it, I managed to do solat tahajjud, solat taubat dan solat hajat.
At least in this Ramadhan I managed to do it because of the dream.

Help me ya Allah to go through to this journey.
Help me to be strong as you always did before.
Please let me be home Batu Pahat with Emak and my siblings for good this year.
And please take my life and my family only with husnul khatimah.
Amin allahuma amin.

16 May 2020
23 Ramadhan 1441H
11.20PM
Tamam Serene Tawau.

no title

Time.

Sometimes, it's too long to wait. 

And sometimes it's too fast to pause.

In between I'm torned apart

Moving on.

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ

Alhamdulillah.

Ramadhan Kareem!

May the 4th be with you. Haha.

So ni adalah post pertama untuk tahun 2020. 

Alhamdulillah masih lagi Allah bagi kesempatan untuk hidup dan bernafas.

Jadi tahun 2020 ni adalah tahun terakhir aku in 20's. 

I'm 29 years old already.

Banyak benda berlaku untuk tahun ni walaupun baru je masuk bulan Mei.

Januari - I turned 29, Abah passed away 2 years ago

Februari - Ke Surabaya with Yaya.

Mac - Wadiah passed away a year ago, Birthday Emak, Covid-19 serang Malaysia, me and a few colleagues kena deployed ke Covid-19 Fever Centre

April - Puasa, habis shift fever centre

Mei - MC days till nasal swab result out. *ma first MC ever haha.

Itu adalah sum up cerita tahun ini up till date.

There you go my life.

Well, actually today I wanted to share about moving on.

Hoping if anybody whose in my situation and happen to read this, not feel alone in this journey of moving on.

I found a quote from a movie or drama. (I really can not recall it, arghhh)

" Moving on is not a betrayal to the memories."

Simple sentence but it gave me a deep impression.

Masa mula2 hilang our close family member, Abah then Wadiah.

I was very afraid to move on, to be happy without them anymore (can refer to previous post about grieving). Macam rasa selfish.

We are looking forward to see them in another life. It's just that we dont know when is our time.

Mungkinkan 2 minggu lagi? 1 tahun? 5 tahun? 20 tahun? 50 tahun lagi? We don't know.

Untuk keluarga kita yang masih tinggal ni, siapa lah yang akan jadi orang terakhir untuk saksikan permergian ahli keluarga.

So many questions with no answers.

But then you have to move on. Allah dah tetapkan perjalanan kisah mereka sampai situ, kita pun kena teruskan juga hidup (it is very hard at first, trust me, we might even fall into depression). Sebab akhirnya sama. Kita pun akan pergi ke tempat yang mereka pergi, cumanya mereka pergi lebih awal dari kita. 

Pick yourself up.Find any distractions. Dont expect people to understand. (I get very sensitive about this, especially when we wanted to talk, people just said "Nak buat macam manakan, dah Allah tentukan") They are not wrong pun. But I think better I keep my feeling to myself. Move on. 

May Allah give us His Blessing to us and our family. May Allah allows us to meet with our love ones in His Paradise. InshaAllah.

Cheers!

Taman Serene, Tawau Sabah

4th May 2020 ( 11 Ramadhan 1441H)

9.28 pm

Are you lucky?

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ



Alhamdulillah untuk kesempatan hari ini,
Well, just like my previous post I've been thinking a lot.
Like a lot.
Here's I'm writing my thoughts.
Because I didn't write for people to read.
I write so that I can lift a little bit of my head burden here,

Lucky?
How you consider yourself as LUCKY?
Getting a job?
Having your own car or house?
Getting married?
Having kids?

When Wadiah passed away last March.
There's some thoughts that cross my head, and I bet to everyone as well.
Muda lagi dia. Banyak lagi benda dia belum buat lagi.

But isn't she's lucky as well?
Allah had taken her at that young age?
So that's she didn't do any wrongdoings more?
While she's still having a mom that making du'a to her very and each day.
She went to Allah in a good way.
She's the first that come to Abah.
I pray that me and the rest my family will have a husnul khotimah.

Despite so many 'tak sempat' words.
Allah has put our life journey at perfect as it is.
Don't compare yourself with others.
If it does lead you closer to Allah.
Then don't!

To die in Islam and Imaan.
That's what makes us the luckiest.

Wallahua'lam.

Taman Serene, Tawau.

27th July 2019 7.56pm

Tiada yang indah. My messy mind!

Assalammualaikum.

It had been years that I didn't sit properly, and writing up about my thoughts using a laptop. 

Writing up to myself. 

Smartphone had consume my life, my feeling. And here suddenly I am 28 years old lady.

Allahuakbar.

Terlalu pantas masa berlalu, terlalu pantas,

Tahun lepas Abah pergi, mula-mula abah pergi, we wonder, baru semalam abah pergi, nanti tiba-tiba dah setahun, dan sepuluh tahun. I swear to you, we did said that just yesterday, dan tiba-tiba dah setahun setengah, tapi rasa kehilangan tu masih baru, Sangat baru. Dan untuk setahun setengah yang berlalu tu, aku tak rasa life ni real. I was trapped in a bubble of a dream.

Dan dalam dunia penuh dengan tiba2 tu, 3 bulan lepas Wadiah pergi. Accident.

Allahuakhbar. Revolving life.

Tapi last year ada kaklong, this year sendiri balik johor. Thanks a lot Aisyah for helping me that time.

On that brief moment, aku rasa sangat penat. Waktu tunggu di airport, dengan flight delay, itu adalah masa yang sangat lama bagi aku. My heart, my mind scattered all over.

Minggu yang lepas balik dari pengebumian Wadiah. I was devastated. I cried almost every night to sleep. Too may traumas. What if this happened again? What if Wadiah didn't want us to let her go? Is it okay to live like usually, being happy?

But damn again, just like what happen last year, far from my own family, I have to work like usual. Forwarding my life. But my heart and my mind was at mess. There's a one moment I requested for psychiatric medical advice, too bad there's too many procedure to do. Kena daftar ed la, pergi klinik staff la ( diagnosis : grief phase), then baru boleh pergi psychiatric, but the too bad again, klinik sokongan untuk staff tu tak ada orang. I came 2 times. Then, I gave up.

I healed my self.

Now, I don't know.

Too many things in my head. 

I resist too much. 

And somehow I feel numb.

Taman Serene, Tawau
12.7.2019 @ 11.20pm

2017

Hello old friend. :)

?

I desperately wanted to talk with someone right now. :(

Why can they just try to understand.
I've done so much to fulfil what they want.

For this time, why can they just at least let me make my own decision?
Can someone please come, and make all of these pain bearable?

There is no right or wrong.

Bismillahhirahmannirahim.

Wow. Dah masuk bulan March. How time flies. Dah nak setahun bekerja. Dan haritu dah start buat choice untuk penempatan for FRP.

Entah.

Dulu mula-mula dulu memang aku nak choose Sabah. But as the time goes by, aku dah start rule out Sabah from the list. Alasannya, kalau aku pergi Sabah, susah nak catch up dengan kawan2. Susah nak attend wedding kawan2. Well, the time has come. Musim kawan-kawan kahwin. So, okay it stops there.

But then, when the application form reached. I can still be calm. Tapi bila dah nak kena hantar borang tu. Allah. Allah saja yang tahu dilema nak buat keputusan tu.That one night, aku memang serabut sangat. Sebabnya hati aku tiba-tiba rasa nak pilih Sabah. Yeah,semua orang akan rasa benda ini simple. Benda ni je pun. But as a person like me. It is a huge decision.

Kenapa Sabah?

The reason is simple yet I guess no one can understand that.

1) Memang teringin nak ada pengalaman time muda-muda ni nak duduk Sabah. Dulu pun time prp, ingat nak pilih Sabah. But heyy, my mom wins.
2) Nak keluar dari comfort zone. Finding myself.
3) Aku selalu rasa diri ni undeserving to be in this position. Rasa macam ramainya lagi orang yang layak. Sebab Sabah ni ramai pharmacists yang lebih berkelayakan ni jarang yang nak, so someone like me should be there kan? The plus point is, aku memang nak ada pengalaman. I'm not getting any younger anyway.
4) Nak bawak diri. Nak lari dari perasaan itu. I hope I can make peace with that feeling. Unnecessary feeling.
5) Reason last...because I'm Jannah. Impulsive. Suka benda yang tak ramai orang minat.
Susah ni nak cari orang yang sama passion ni. Or at least someone, yang FAHAM, even though passion lain2. HAHA. Dream on!

Haaaa "simple" kan reason dia, Lol.

Insya Allah, I have done my part, for rest I will leave everything to ALLAH. After all, Allah always have a better plan with me. Be it Sabah, be it anywhere in this world. I know I can survive, as long as I keep my faith to Allah.

Bye,

Hi 2016.

Bismillah~

First post dalam 2016, dan sekarang tengah busy ya amat nak siapkan log book, report untuk prp ni. Well, tu masalahnya I'm very last minute person. Nanti emo tak pasal2, please someone help me. Ni sekarang ni memang tengah busy gila, this week kena hantar logbook, ada assessment tapi hati aku rasa nak menulis. Banyak benda nak cerita.

1) Aku dah ada telescope sendiri.

Alhamdulillah, it had always been a dream. 23 January 2016 is finally the day.
Orion Star Blast EQ 4.5. 5 tahun dulu masa aku at the critical phase nak choose path, antara minat dengan realiti hidup, arwah Mak Ude pernah cakap, ambil la pharmacy ni, dengar cakap mak abah, nanti ada duit boleh beli telescope sendiri. Sedih sebab dia dah tak ada untuk tengok aku. Dia jugak la yang banyak tolong aku sampai aku ada kat tempat sekarang ni. Al fatihah.

say hi to my Mr T.

Mission accomplished.

Gila jugak kisah aku angkut telescope guna tangan. ya Allah, bila fikir2 balik mesti orang rasa pelik kot dengan aku. Adoyy.

2) Penang Trip. Amy's engagement.

Kalau tak gila bukan kawan-kawan la namanya. Aida plan nak buat roadtrip Penang. Aku ingat aku dengan dia la, sekali......here we go. Semua pun ada. Surprise by surprise aku dapat, sampai la hari Amy bertunang tu. Haha. Tak tahu la aku ni lampi ke atau kawan kawan aku expert buat surprise.
 Congrats Amy, I pray the best for you Amy deep from my heart. Semoga Allah limpahkan rahmat kat kita semua. I miss everyone of you too. And with these people lah, we manage to set up the telescope. Will be part of my precious memory too.

Thanks Aida, Amer, Aween, Sha'ai, Amy and Hannah. Thanks Hannah kasi tumpang tidur. :)

3) PRP almost come to an end.

Tak nak tinggal tapi tak boleh nak stay. Huhu. Mixed feeling. Sebab semua orang kat sini baik baik. Tapi aku tak boleh stay kat sini selama-lamanya. Aku nak mengembara lagi. Banyak benda aku nak belajar dan buat. And there is one feeling that I need to let go of. And to do so, I need to leave. May Allah ease every thing, especially for this little fragile heart of mine. Amin.

Till then!
Assalamuaalikum~

Pharmacy vs Astronomy. Reality vs Dream

بِسْمِ اللَّهِ الرَّحْمَنِ الرَّحِيم

I don't know why lately that long lost dream haunted me back. Is that because 'it' doesn't want me to forget? Oh Allah my only hope, if it is the best for me, please give me some courage and strength to do this. For at least to continue this passion even if I'm all alone. I love both. This reality and my dream. I  really love everything about Your stars, universe and galaxies.  I love astronomy, but I guess love is not enough. I need to read, read and read to upgrade my knowledge. May Allah bless everything that I do. Amin.

https://vimeo.com/121217646

The lost souls.

Bismillah...

Terusik dengan kedewasaan dunia. Hilang.

Entah lahh. The lost souls.

I am part of them.

Pernah tak terdetik kat hati kita, nampak org tak pakai tudung, dye rambut kita rasa "Islam ke ni?" "Tah pape nak tayang2 aurat tu, buat dosa je."

Aku pernah merasa macam tu, time2 masih lagi life ni carefree. Masih lagi dalam zone selesa. Pandang dan judge!

Tapi tidaklah selamanya begitu. Bila aku dah start tamat zaman sekolah, bila dah start jadi 'dewasa' aku mula termasuk dalam golongan the lost souls ni...mencari-cari.

Janganlah dikatakan yang tak bertudung tu je yang lost. Aku dari kecik mak aku dah ajar pakai tudung, pun terkadang masih terasa kosong jiwanya. Barangkali jauh dari Tuhan, barangkali masalah dalaman keluarga. Entah.

Sendirian. Banyak membuahkan persoalan aku terhadap kehidupan. Teringat Neefola punya sharing before dia decide untuk berhijab. Dia kata, perasaan nak berubah tu datang, pergi, datang, pergi. Allah!! aku menangis dengar sebabnya aku rasakan yang sama. Perasaan nak berubah. It's not about tudung. Tudung bukan indicator utk seseorang untuk berubah. Jiwa is the answer.

Aku takut aku tak sempat nak berubah sebelum mati. Sebelum masuk ke dunia hakiki tu. Aku terlalu banyak melagha dengan duniawi tapi aku still tak boleh deattach from it. Takut hati dah hitam. na'uzubillah. Allah sentiasa ada, Dan aku harap Allah boleh hantar kan siapa-siapa yang boleh menjadi sumber semangat untuk ke arah itu. Arah yang mendekatkan aku dengan Tuhan

Dan sesungguhhya tiada Tuhan yang layak disembah melainkan ALLAH.

 

Dear Gen.

Assalam'mualikum...
Tiba-tiba hari ni tergerak hati nak baca blog. I'm living in the future right now. Reading the older posts, it feel like I'm reading the old letters from my ownself. So many struggles in the past. Yet I'm still surviving. Alhamdulillah. Time surely flies. Some dreams come and go, but some dreams still lingering in my heart and soul.

Dear Gen...you are now living in the future, fulfilling the dreams of the people that you love but please don't abandon your dreams, your desire and hope. Don't give up, don't let our spirit down. Fight for it. Even if others look down on you. Just let them be....Please Gen be happy. I want you to feel that happiness! Whatever it takes, I want you to be happy.. InsyaAllah..

Provisional Register Pharmacist 2015/2016 : Hospital Pontian

Assalammualaikum.

Wow. This is the longest hiatus I took. Last post was on February 2014. Tu pun pasal drama korea. Lol.

Haha. Harini rasa macam nak update blog sbb a new stage of my life started. Alhamdulillah finally after 5 months of waiting since graduation, dapat jugak surat panggilan dari KKM untuk jawatan Pegawai Farmasi U41 Provisional Registered Pharmacist (PRP).

So how was the chronology of my posting.??...

1) SPA interview atAIMST University (during final semester) - May, 2014 

2) Receiving SPA - September 2014

3) Graduation - October 2014

4) Register BLESS (one week after convo)

5)waiting.....

6)waiting.....

7)waiting......

8)Dapat posting. Check through online. Dia bagi tahu negeri mana yang dapat. - March 19.2015

*Be prepare, sbb KKM bagi masa yg singkat je untuk kita lapor diri dari tarikh pemberitahuan. Paling lama seminggu.

9)Dapat surat dari KKM (poslaju) - 20 March, 2015

10) Lapor diri kat Jabatan Kesihatan Negeri - 24 March 2015.

Pagi tu lepas dah lapor diri kan JKN. Miss tu suruh pergi Hospita Permai Lama, Bahagian Farmasi. Aduh berpusing nak cari sampai ke Hospital Tampoi ktorg sampai. Hehe. Time aku smpi tu dah lambat sikit, semua prp dah gather kat situ, so kawan aku cakap Batu Pahat dah penuh. Huwaaaa Tu la kan siapa suruh lambat. Dia kata mula-mula penyelia tu akan tanya kat semua org, siapa nak hospital *sekian sekian*, Contohnya macam Hospital Sultanah Nora Ismail (BP), ada 7 orang angkat tangan, tapi kat HSNI ada empat je kekosong. So dia draw, lagi 3 orang tu nasib la dapat mana-mana. But if ada mutual agreement among PRP, kita boleh exchange sebelum penyelia tu keluar kat surat. Hot hospital yang prp ramai2 nak kat Johor ni adalah HSA,HSI (JB), HSNI (BP) and HPSF (Muar). 

Memandangkan aku dan seorang prp ni lewat, lepas bersurai tu ktorg dua stay la. Tunggu penyelia tu cakap. So dia bagi HSI and Hospital Pontian. The other prp tu nak HSI, so aku terpaksa la terima Hospital Pontian. Ada hikmat kot sbb kalau aku dapat HSI, kawan U aku tu nak suruh tukar dgn dia kat Segamat. So aku tak la dilemma sgt.

Lepas dah dapat surat untuk lapor diri ke respective hospital, on that day itself kena pergi ke hospital masing2 untuk lapor diri. Rushing?? Of courseeee! Nak lagi bila aku dah expect aku dpt BP, so aku x prepare pun barang2, baju2 semua. Rumah sewa lagi...Pheww

Aku mintak cuti dari Ketua Pegawai Farmasi kat Hospital Pontian ni. Lepas dah settle semua tu, aku balik rumah packing barang2 semua dah sekarang aku dah ada kat Pontian. Tadi terbahak2 gelak degan adik ng kakak aku sbb semalam dgn harini seharian berjalan kat Pontian. Ke Pontian Ke Kite?? Saboo je lahh

So insyaAllah esok permulaan yang baru untuk aku as a working lady. Aku harap aku boleh survive satu tahun ni as PRP. Even at first aku agak down sebab tak dapat posting tempat yang aku nak tapi aku rasa macam banyak benda lagi aku kena bersyukur. Aku dah dapat kerja ni pun dah lebih dari cukup. Sebab at the end, semua benda depends on your mindset. If you are being positive, you'll have a beautiful journey ahead.

So everyone (lol macam la ada reader) please pray for me. Harapnya ni semua diberkati Allah. Amin!

I know it won't be an easy journey but I will look forward for my new adventure!

Ps : Terima kasih sgt kat Abah yg drive, Kaklong ng Eda yang teman dari  mula masa nak lapor diri. Sangat2 appreciate. Tak tahu la macam maca rasanya kalau buat semua ni sorg2. Terima kasih kat Emak for everything, I can never repay you back. To Bangah and Wadiah for being part of my journey too. May Allah bless you, my family. You are the best! 

Okay till we meet again. *entah bila lagi laa. Haha.

You Who Came From The Stars/ My Love From Another Star. :)

Hello. Okay this post might sounds so drama-queen story. Well this is my first entry talking about kdrama. It had been quite a long time I didn't watch kdrama. (Well I used to be a kdrama addict for a moment). It either I'm too busy or I didn't have the source to get the drama. But above all, although I have time and all there is ONE main and particular reason I didn't watch, it is simply because I don't want to deal with my emotion when the drama that I'm too attach with comes to end.

Then, here come this drama...

At first I don't have any intention to watch it. But because I have quite plenty time wasted (plus suggested by my friends), so I decided to watch it. The first reason that captured my intention is the leading couple ; Kim Soo Hyun and Jun Ji Hyun. Before this I neither watch any drama that KSH nor JJH acted. So I really have no idea their acting skills. I just simply like them. And yes they are perfectly matched though they have age gap of 7 years. Enough said.

 I don't want to give any review of the drama. I just want to share what I felt watching through this drama until now when  2 episodes left. Counting down to say goodbye. Dush by just thinking that, I feel quite emotional (Drama-queen). As I started to watch this drama late, I'm having a marathon watching the episodes 1-19 for four days! It is quite slow because I need to wait to download it. If not maybe within 1 or 2 days I can catch up. Haha. *Over*

I never downloaded any kdrama before, so YWCFTS marks my first trial downloading kdrama and luckily it succeed. Haha. I'm so excited to watch it because I can see the compatibility of the actors. Well, I'm right. Not disappointed at all.

And through this drama, I then know how it feel the roller-coaster feeling. The feeling when you feel happy, funny, sad, nervous, angry and all in one time. Well, I might be biased for this drama because I love the leading couple. Krik krik.

This drama is really good except except except that it has an ending. Blergh. I really hate to handle my feeling when the drama that I really really really love comes to an ending. I can't bear the withdrawal-symptoms. (Drama-queen again). The ending is so unpredictable. But I'm freaking need this drama to have a happy ending like seriously. :p * Yeah yeah I know, it sounds so cliche but hey it's my favorite drama though, I must need a happy ending) Lol.

I'm so over right? Although it is just a drama. Well, this kind of drama have a power to play with my emotions. I know I have no right to say this as I'm not the kdrama hardcore fan in which I can compare which drama is good or not but I still want to say this is the best kdrama that I've ever watch .But I must admit when it come to an OST, You are Beautiful & Secret Garden still have a power there. Hihi.

Finally, this drama is not typical kdrama that we always watch. It will become more atypical if it has a sad ending (which I really don't want).

I love this drama so much. Can you feel it? Hahahahaha.

I'm a drama queen. :D

( GIF credited to tumblr http://weobin.tumblr.com/)
(Pic credited to Google)

Ps; I just realize this is my first post in 2014. :) 

2013 : Dan Jika Kau Tahu...

Jika kau tahu,

Tidak mungkin ingin 
kau menghakimi aku,
Tidak mungkin mahu
kau sekadar berkata-kata.

Dan jika kau tahu,
Tidak mungkin betah
kau berada di tempat ku,
berdiri di kaki ini

Dan aku ingin kau tahu,
Diriku adalah diriku,
Tidak sama denganmu,
Senyuman ku berikan
Walau dasar hatiku
Bergitu banyak gelora,
Kerana itu pilihan aku,
Menyimpan dan memendam rasa,
Memberi dan tersenyum.
Dan jika kau tahu,
tentang rasa itu.
Aku ingin sekali kau tahu,
Tapi itu keingianku bukan keinginamu.
:'(

Bismillah.

2013 bakal melabuhkan tirai, Reflect kat diri dan tanya. Sepanjang tahun ni, kita orang2 yg beruntung atau orang2 yg rugi. Allah. Tak tahu nak letak diri kat mana. Banyak sgt kurang, tapi aku berharap Allah redha dengan semua yang aku buat. InsyaAllah. Masih lagi dalam exam mode, tapi aku ambil masa nak coretkan psl wishlist aku untuk 2014...

1) InsyaAllah, bukan setiap tahun tapi setiap hari aku berharap aku dapat jadi a good muslimah tapi masih lagi aku kat takuk yang sama. So aku harap aku akan lebih semangat dalam jaga aurat, be a good doctor,(baca balik, apesal entah aku tulis doctor?? Wakaka. Its supposed to be DAUGHTER okay) sembahyang di awal waktu (uhuk3), jaga agama semua. Amin.

2) Graduate. Yeah 2014 is approaching, mudah-mudahan panjang umur, tak sangkut apa2 paper dapat lah aku graduate. Amin.

3) Buat amal kebajikan. Ingat kalau lepas graduate tu ada banyak masa cuti aku nak join buat kerja2 amal. Kalau ada rezeki. Impian aku dari dulu...

4) EXERCISE!!! Phew, Yang ni setiap naik sem mesti aku berangan nak jaga kesihatan tapi tak pernah tercapai.

5) Eat healthy food. Badan ni pun satu amanah Allah untuk kita.

6) Pergi umrah. (Hope dapat durian runtuh, tak ada duit sendiri lagi. Sobss)

Eh sikitnye wishlists aku. Hihi. Actually aku ada banyak tapi buat masa sekarang aku rasa ni yang penting. InsyaAllah kalau satu yang tercapai aku dah cukup berterima kasih. Please be me yaAllah throughout this life. Amin.

Mentaliti kita. Allah kan ada.

.Bismillah.

Sejak kebelakangan ni, heboh pasal cerita Ahmad Ammar. Untungnya dia. Pelajar cemerlang straight As' yang ambik bidang sejarah Islam. Aku kagum. Membaca kisah dia, memang selayaknya dia diberi penghormatan sebegitu.

Aku merenung seketika. Melihat sekeliling. Dalam dunia kita sekarang. Termasuklah diri ini sendiri.

Ya, kita hidup di bumi, dalam komuniti sebegini. Kalau results cemerlang amik lah medic etc. Minat ke tidak belakang cerita. Yang penting amik medic, senang dapat kerja, gaji banyak. Untuk masa depan, abaikan lah cita-cita anak itu. Impian dia. Pentingkanlah masa depan dia.

Sungguh. Aku tak pernah menafikan niat murni ibubapa. Aku tahu mereka mahukan yang terbaik. Untuk masa depan anak-anak. Tapi aku sekarang dah berada di tahap yang matang. Perjalanan aku dalam mencari agama, membuat aku terfikir sejenak. 

Untuk apa semua ini? Apa niat kita?

Aku sendiri berfikir sebegitu, senang dapat kerja. But what are all of this about?? We are going to die someday, somehow. Is that all worth at the end? NIAT. Kebergantuang kepada bidang yang diambil, belum tentu boleh buat kita senang. Niatkalah semua tu untuk cari redha Allah. Allah yang tentukan rezeki. Bukan manusia, bukan kerjaya. 

Post aku ni bukan nak kata tak bagus amik medic ke dentistry ke pharmacy ke. 

Untuk mereka yang betul-betul minat dalam bidang medic ni, teruskanlah, semoga Allah permudahkan perjalanan kalian untuk membantu manusia.

 Post ni lebih kepada untuk membuka minda, luaskan mentaliti kita. Rezeki tu milik Allah. Tapi aku tak tahu mentaliti ini boleh diubah ke tidak. Kita hidup dalam kominiti ini, istilah dia macam "masuk kandang kambing mengembek, masuk kandang lembu mengembu". Kita ikutkan jelah.

Alhamdulillah for all I have. Sekadar pandangan bukan 

Biarkan aku terus berfikir. Kerana aku belum mampu untuk mengubah diri apatah lagi untuk mengubah dunia. ( Solat 5 waktu pun tunggang langgang) -__-

yaAllah permudahkanlah perjalanan aku, Ikhlaskanlah hati aku. Redhakanlah kehidupan aku.

Salam.

Ps; I'm not a medic student. Hehe.